Depression and Keeping a British Stiff Upper Lip

Posted by Abi on 20-Jun-2017 14:52:00
Abi

Mental Health and Depression

Personally, I have more experience of this than I would like. I have suffered myself and have lost those close to me as a result. The nearest thing I can compare depression to is cancer, some people beat it and some don't. It eats away at you and it's exceptionally difficult to talk about. In fact, I can tell you that I will never talk about my darkest thoughts. Why? Because then it would actualise them and I couldn't face that. Do you know the problem with all this talk about metal health? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want a hug. I don't want cup of tea and someone to tell me it will all get better. What I want is to hide under the duvet and cry until I have no more tears. If you think the answer is to post on social media that you are always listening it won't help. I know you mean well but I'd never send you a message to say I'm losing my grip and I'm good at faking it. To the person who stepped in front of a train, took an overdose, slit their wrists, hung themselves, all I want to say is I understand and I'm sorry we lost you. Sometimes what people need most is space and understanding, a cave we can run away to occasionally and not be questioned.

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Why?

This is a tricky subject and not easy to answer. Depression comes in all shapes and size, there may be many reasons. Family, job, life in general, we all have our ups and downs.  Sometimes the thing that threw us over the edge seems actually quite insignificant but the culmination can be vast. And if  you can't deal with the little things anymore, then it's tough. Looking at Britain today the big things are hard enough.

Terrorists

Should a cake company talk about this? Do you know, I'm really not sure but everyone is. It is mxy humble opinion that we are all human beings regardless of our race, colour or religion. Looking at the shocking attacks that have taken place recently in Manchester and London I can't help but appreciate the outpouring of love. The amazing heroes that come forward and offer hope to us all. The Finsbury Park attack shows that frustrations are boiling over. In all honesty, it deeply saddens me.  I don't know what the answer is but it can't be more hate.

Politics

An even bigger topic in the current situation and really not one I am qualified to talk about. Hey, I have my opinions like everyone else but here is not the place to share those. It is though having an impact on all of us. Grenfell Tower shows the affect of class divide and how money can change your life. That's not to say that being rich makes you happy but it does offer some basic protection (certainly in this case).

Nothing

Be careful we don't like to talk about this one. This is the feeling that overwhelms, stops you getting out of bed and makes you cry. However, when someone asks you have no answer. Not even something you don't want to say. Speaking as someone who has lost people very close to me, I can tell you that it's release that we need. To stop the nightmares, the paranoia and the overwhelming fear of failure. It really doesn't matter how real those things are. They are in our mind. So don't tell me it will get better or that I'm loved, I know that but when?

What do we do?

So yes let's talk about mental health and depression but don't ever expect someone suffering from severe depression to come to you when they need you. I don't have the answer, the only suggestion I have is that we stop communicating through technology and start using our eyes. When that friend makes excuses and can't come out, ask them if they would like you to come over. When someone you love shouts and pushes you away, give them space, but do ask what's wrong and if you can help. When you pass a stranger on the street, smile and say hello, you may be the only person they speak to all day and it may break their thoughts and help them smile. Sometimes it's the silence that gives us away. I won't ever tell you what goes through my mind but you can help distract me and that goes a long way. I'm just trying to stay in control so don't push me. Just reach out and touch someone, the edge is closer than you think. In the end, attacks will happen, they happen every day across the world although most we barely hear about. Tragedies will come. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. The only way that I can see forward is to reach out to one another. Show that our British stiff upper lip isn't a negative attribute but more a keep calm and carry on attitude. Look in on an elderly neighbour, check they are ok in this heat. Phone a friend you haven't heard from in a while. Reach out and let someone know you are thinking of them. It doesn't have to be a huge gesture. Bake them a bake, it's very comforting, or send them something (we are donating to Red Cross with our Bee Cake Cards)  
 
Finally, if this is you it's ok. This feeling won't last forever. Life changes, regardless of what we want but that's ok too. Find your cave and take time out for you. You will get through this x
reach out

PS

If you post that you are stuck in traffic or the train is delayed because some "idiot" has decided to end their life, think. They didn't get there lightly and they won't bother you again. You will get home and your life will go on so shut the f*ck up. Depression will have claimed it's latest victim. They will be gone forever and the only thing that will follow is devastation but don't worry that won't affect you just their family and friends.

 

 

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